As I change my Facebook status to “In a relationship”, I also noticed that my brother’ status became “Single”. Although I am somehow relieved that he and his girlfriend broke up, there’s a part in me that became sad. Relieved because I want my brother to keep away from women especially that he is graduating, saddened because parting ways is painful.
My brother has to go through his first break up without a father. You know, when most of us are in the stage of our firsts, the person we usually ask for help especially when it comes to relationship is our parents.
I remember how cool my tatay was in giving his swabe moves to my older brother in courtship, dealing with girls and in handling relationships. He was even there cheering for my brother when he knew that my brother lost his virginity to a girl we barely even seen. I am 9 year old during that time. My dad told him it’s okay with him as long as he keep it safe. Barging in to their conversation is punishable by death so I just kept my mouth shut and find ways to lost my virginity too! Joke.
I grew up lacking that kind of support. When I first experienced the pain of breaking up, I had no one to run to except for myself. Alangan naman na hukayin ko pa tatay ko para magsumbong lang. Kakapagod ang maghukay. I am not open to my mom when it comes to my private life too. So either I talk to myself, or talk to myself.
I don’t know what advice to give to my younger bro. I have been through so many break-ups before, and God knows the crazy things I did during that time. But I am different, and so is my brother. We don’t have the same coping skills. All I said to him was,
“Everything’s gonna be all right. When you are successful, girls will just line up for you. Cheer up”.
I don’t know if that helped him, but that’s the best of best words I have in mind. I avoid saying move on, since it’s better for him to do it rather than me saying it.
Just this morning, my sister texted me that she’s afraid. She is currently lining for her interview with Congressman for a new position. I’m always the one they run to when they are in trouble or need help and somehow I feel proud about it, makes me feel my worth as a brother. But there are times I wish that they still have a father that they can tell things that worry them.
There are things I never experienced from my older brother. We grew up apart. He was 5 years older and we have two separate roads to follow when we are still kids. I guess it’s the age gap between us that separated us. We’re totally opposites. In fact, I don’t even have a vivid picture if we ever had good times with each other back then. He got his own set of friends which I am not allowed to join since I’m too small for them. So I settled with my own imaginary friends instead.
I fought their battles in life. But none of them knows what I have been through. I woke up this morning, and asked myself…
Nasaan na nga ba si Tootsie Guevarra?